Ask Her: My s/o interviewed me about men and relationships

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To celebrate a year since the first Ask Him interview, we decided (Nicholas convinced me) he would ask me the same questions (and a few of his own additions) I asked him a year ago.

I definitely felt awkward, I’m much more comfortable when I’m asking the questions. But we pushed through so you get to read my responses! There was a lot of nervous laughter and ‘um’s and silences that I did not include…so, you’re welcome.

So we have the first, the one and only Ask Her series with the first, the one and only, Miranda Kate Rodriguez. How are you feeling Miranda, you ready?

I just want to get this over with.

Well, me too, so.

OK, Miranda what is your favorite color?

This should be an easy question…so when I was little, for the longest time it used to be yellow. When I was in high school my room was bright yellow – it was like walking into the sun. So I still have an emotional attachment to yellow, but I think I’m now more partial to light green.

Why, green, Miranda?

I think it’s calming.

So, Miranda, what do you do?

I’m a nanny, three days a week, for two little girls – a one year old and a three year old. And I just started translating for a school. And I’m getting my Master’s degree in psychology.

What is the difference between translating and interpreting?

Translating is in written- so documents. Interpreting is in person, or vocal.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I don’t know. Maybe a counselor.

Why a counselor, what makes you want to be a counselor?

I like talking to people, I like asking them questions. I like trying to give advice and helping them understand themselves.

What do you do for fun?

Recently I’ve been doing more artsy things, like little crafts. I like to go out with my friends…get coffee. I like to explore all the pretty spots in Charleston.

What are some qualities you look for in a guy?

What if I say a quality that you don’t have? Like, really short and brunette.

That’s fine, it’s your loss.

I think sense of humor is good. Not necessarily that they’re super hilarious, but more that they get my sense of humor. I can be kind of goofy so if that’s off-putting for them then it’s kind of awkward.

I mean you can probably say a lot of things, what you’re attracted to physically, or personality or intellectually…I like people who think about things that are important and are okay talking about them.

But I think what it comes down to is character. Even if they have all the other qualities you’re looking for, if they’re not going to be good, if they’re not going to try to stick it out and make it work then it doesn’t really matter if they’re funny and super attractive and super smart. I think it’s important to be willing to make it work when it’s tough or not fun…make the sacrifices you need to make. I think all of that is a matter of character, I think that’s probably the most important thing.

Is this virtue you speak of something that can be developed?

Yeah I don’t think it’s something innate necessarily. If you have good parents and come from a good family you definitely have an advantage, but if you don’t it’s something you work on and you grow…it just requires a willingness really. If you want to work at it, want to make it work, it’s a choice that you make. I don’t think it’s a talent or a skill.

How do you show interest?

I think what you said was going out of your way to talk to the person, I think that’s fair. I think there can be so much confusion between men and women…but I think if you just try to make someone your friend and see where it goes from there, that seems the healthiest way to me. Then if it doesn’t work out, you don’t have to “ghost”, it doesn’t have to be awkward…you’re still friends. And maybe you don’t hang out or talk all the time but you know someone new. That’s why I think going out of your way to make that person your friend is a good way to go about it.

What is something important to you to have in a relationship and why?

Being at ease with the other person. When you date someone you reveal yourself little by little to the other person and you can’t do that if you feel you’re going to be rejected or mess up somehow. I guess trust is what I’m really getting at. I don’t think you can have a healthy relationship without trust, I don’t think that’s feasible. I think you have to trust the person, trust that they’re going to do their best to make it work. I don’t think you can love someone if you don’t trust them first.

What is something you admire about men in general?

I think leadership…not that that women can’t be leaders. It’s very feminine to be led, that requires a lot of patience. Leading can be a masculine quality, that dynamic can be good. There’s a lot of hesitancy today, we struggle with equality and what that means. But I think it’s natural…I think leadership is hard and I think it’s good when there’s a guy that can make decisions in a way that is careful and thoughtful, but also trusting. I think men tend to be natural leaders and I think that’s a good characteristic that they have.

Would you say women lead in a different way?

I think women lead in a more subtle way. I think men can rise to the standards women set for them. So if women set certain expectations of what she expects from him, the man will strive for that. But if we don’t set high expectations, I think it makes it easier for men to fall short of all they can be because we’re accepting less. I think men and women should challenge each other. Women lead in regards to morality, the way the culture goes, I think women play a big role in setting what’s okay and what’s not okay. So if we set a standard the man is kind of like ‘ok, I’m not going to mess with this, I’m not going to fight you on it.’ I think when a women says ‘this isn’t good, this isn’t acceptable’, the man is more likely to follow that judgement.

So, we’ve been dating for 5 months now, has this relationship changed what you would recommend other women look for in a significant other? Has it changed your priorities, the criteria in what you look for in a guy?

No, I think the reason I was attracted to you was because we talked about these things that are important and based on that conversation it showed me something about your character. You wanted to be with someone who challenged you, who helped you be a better person…that’s why I liked you. Based on the interview, I thought that you could be a good person. that interview was what triggered any desire to date, I thought you could be someone of good character, someone I could respect. I think that’s really important- women should respect the man they’re with. I think I had a lot of respect for you based on those answers. So I don’t think it has changed.

What are some things you’re looking forward to in the near or distant future?

I’m looking forward to starting my classes again in October. I’m excited to figure out what else I’m called to do right now. I’m excited for Fall and all the fun things that come with that. I’m excited to be here with you.

Well, Miranda I just want to thank you for coming on to my show, it’s special moment –

You don’t have a show.

You’re welcome back any time.

 

 

 

 

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