It’s been a while since I really wrote..about me.
It hasn’t come as naturally recently for some reason. Getting the words out has just been difficult. But I do want to share a bit about the new adventure…so I’m going to try.
Bottom line: I’m doing okay.
At first there was kind of a ‘high’ of sorts. While the first nights were difficult, it was so distracting to be in a new place and start a new job…I didn’t really have room to feel much more than just excitement at the newness of it all.
I’ve managed to keep myself pretty busy. Obviously there are ‘house’ things (it’s SLOWLY coming along) that need to get done. But also meeting with people I had met before who live here and getting to know others I’ve met at work. I didn’t have much down time at all my first month.
I’ve gotten better at being alone. I’ve spent a fair amount of time exploring the city, checking out some bars, churches and parks on my own. It’s been nice. I’ve found a few favorites and go back to them often.
I’ve gotten some reading done (mostly in the mornings) – I finally finished ‘story of a soul’ (HIGHLY recommend it) and am working on ‘consoling the heart of Jesus’ and ‘Alice in Wonderland.’
I have especially enjoyed the latter..I see so much of myself in her, but maybe that’s for another post.
I like Cincinnati. It has it’s rough areas but generally I think it has a charm of its own that is unpretentious. I like all the hills a lot more than I anticipated (hills = views).
I actually live across the river in Kentucky. I’m about 15 minutes from downtown Cincinnati, and I LOVE where I live. I like the place itself and the area. It’s a quiet, suburban neighborhood with neat yards and lots of green. My favorite park is a five minute drive away and there are two Catholic Churches also within that distance – and a coffee shop with DONUTS just a few minutes down the road.
The people here have been very kind. It’s been especially comforting knowing a few people inside AND outside of work. I want to have a good balance.
Of course it’s hard, being the new kid. People have their own lives and routines, breaking into that gracefully takes quite a bit of grit and patience. There’s also the initial discomfort that comes just from not knowing each other very well, familiarity is not something to take for granted.
In any case, while sometimes it does feel difficult, I feel very grateful to all the people who have reached out and made me feel welcome – it has been such a gift.
It still sucks not knowing the area that well. I’ve gotten lost approximately 500,000 times and it gets old. Every time I’m able to get to a new place without a GPS I feel incredibly victorious.
It’s been difficult too, I think there’s something about being in a new place that makes old wounds and emotional/psychological challenges more prominent for some reason.
It’s like the comfort of home provided a shelter I wasn’t aware of. There has been a lot of inexplicable sadness and anger that seems unrelated or disproportionate to what is in front of me. I’m hoping that it’s surge means that there will be healing soon.
This has probably been the most challenging part. Grappling with demons on my own without the support of family or close friends. Just keeping it together at work has been difficult some days.
But the weird thing is, I do feel at peace. As much as there are days I am angry and resentful toward the struggles I’m facing, I don’t feel the need or urge to really change anything.
I think I’m in the waiting room right now: waiting to be attended to, feeling frustrated and impatient but hopeful nonetheless.
Something I’ve really embraced since moving here is just the adventure that life is. There’s no ‘tomorrow’ or ‘one day’, this is it…now. And even the really sucky parts have a lot to teach us and great beauty and grace to offer. We may not see it, but I believe it to be there. ‘Adventure’ doesn’t imply smooth sailing. If anything, it signifies difficulty, challenge, growth and victory. You can’t win if there’s no battle first.
I’m just determined to make the most of every second – to live a life that is honest – because it’s just too damn short to do anything other than love and be loved (you knew it was coming). To love fiercely, with abandon and without pretense.
So I’m going to try. I fail a lot but I’m going to keep trying. I hope you will too.
In any case, I’m okay. I’m grateful and I’m peaceful…joy will come (like a birdie in the morning sun).
Thanks for reading and for all the support.
Oh! And I got a nose ring!! Mom was NOT happy.